Child led parenting

At different times and for different reasons I've realized how much I personify this idea. I never really knew what "kind" of mom I would be until I met Chloe. In so many ways, she's taught me as much as I've taught her. And I am quite certain, I'd be a completely different mom if she were a different child. Just as many parents 'parent' each of their children differently, according to what resonates with them. A prime example for Chloe is the intensity that works well with her. It seems, the more loud or firm I am with her, the more she crumbles and "misbehaves". Yet, when I stay calm, somewhat quiet and 'gentle', she responds -most of the time- fairly quickly. Calm, quiet, and gentle never equal over-indulgent or inconsistent. Actually, I'd say that I'm personally less likely to remain consistent when I'm harsher or loosing my patience, than any other time.
Most often, the warning of my pending "firmness" is enough to straighten her up.
Ex: "Chloe... I've asked you nicely, and now I'm asking you again- please do it. Next time I'll be firm with you."
Or as simple as "Would you like me to be firm with you?"
Most of the time, my "firm" is a louder, stronger voice with less options and less information. More like - do it now, because I said. She's not usually happy about it, but she had her chances- she knows it- and I never "change my mind."
Sometimes I forget all of this. I get frustrated or upset with her behavior and loose my patience. (honestly, this mostly happens when I'm tired or stressed out). Most often, those are the days we feed each others bad feelings and it takes some doing to turn it around. It's tough sometimes to suck up and be the adult and change MY energy before I can expect her to change hers. These are also some of the days I cherish Abby and knowing we are together parenting Chloe. She is so wonderful helping me recognize and change in those times. She gives me a soft place to land and strong support.
I also, make it a point to talk to Chloe when I've acted out of character. I try to explain, as best I can to a 6year old, how my hard feelings get the better of me sometimes, too. I always make sure she knows I love her no matter what, and nothing is her fault. (kids always think things are all their fault).
She always forgives me right away and sometimes cries a bit, with relief.
This is important for me for a couple reasons: First, so I don't break her spirit or her trust (feelings of safety) in me. Second, so she sees me doing the things I expect her to do. She learns by my example that everyone makes mistakes, and they can be fixed. She hears my language and uses it at other times. It's a beautiful thing.
Luckily, this stuff comes naturally for me, and it works wonders for Chloe.
Hopefully, we can both move through the world more gracefully because of each other. She's already made me a better person.