Dear Chloe,
People say to always live in the present moment. “Don’t look back” they say, that stuff has already happened and passed. “Don’t look forward” they say, that stuff has yet to happen and there is no need to worry about it. As a mom, your mom, I’ve realized that this doesn’t apply to parenting, at least not for me.
When I kiss your warm forehead goodnight, I kiss my baby, my one, two, three, four, five, six year old. That’s who you are to me. Every past moment wrapped into one. The love I feel for you just adds to all I felt the day before. Every triumph and mistake I’ve made as your mom teaches me, and I remember.
When I watch you interact with people, tell a story, try something new, or get upset I watch my six year old with wonder about how these moments are shaping you and who you will become. I look ahead thinking of you and your endless potential. I consider and carefully plan how I treat you; I know the lasting effect that I will have on you as your parent.
And always, I truly experience each moment we are in- the fun ones and difficult ones. I know you see me taking a million pictures and videos of you; gently reminding you to put dates on your drawings, carefully collecting your school papers out of your folder…I can’t help it. I’m capturing the moments, cherishing them, and you are so patient with me.
I use all of these thoughts about who you’ve always been, who you are now, and who you may become to be the best Mom I can be for you. I think about you, every tiny part of you; all the time. I am on your side. Just by living, you teach me who you are, and I listen. I won’t stop looking back, looking forward or enjoying each moment. Ever. Because that’s how I Love You.
Love,
Mom
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