To Chloe, From Mom

Dear Chloe,

People say to always live in the present moment.  “Don’t look back” they say, that stuff has already happened and passed.  “Don’t look forward” they say, that stuff has yet to happen and there is no need to worry about it.  As a mom, your mom, I’ve realized that this doesn’t apply to parenting, at least not for me.

When I kiss your warm forehead goodnight, I kiss my baby, my one, two, three, four, five, six year old.  That’s who you are to me.  Every past moment wrapped into one.  The love I feel for you just adds to all I felt the day before. Every triumph and mistake I’ve made as your mom teaches me, and I remember.

When I watch you interact with people, tell a story, try something new, or get upset I watch my six year old with wonder about how these moments are shaping you and who you will become.  I look ahead thinking of you and your endless potential. I consider and carefully plan how I treat you; I know the lasting effect that I will have on you as your parent.

And always, I truly experience each moment we are in- the fun ones and difficult ones. I know you see me taking a million pictures and videos of you; gently reminding you to put dates on your drawings, carefully collecting your school papers out of your folder…I can’t help it.  I’m capturing the moments, cherishing them, and you are so patient with me. 

I use all of these thoughts about who you’ve always been, who you are now, and who you may become to be the best Mom I can be for you. I think about you, every tiny part of you; all the time.  I am on your side.  Just by living, you teach me who you are, and I listen. I won’t stop looking back, looking forward or enjoying each moment. Ever. Because that’s how I Love You.

Love,

Mom

To Chloe, From Abby

Dear Chloe,

This is the second year that your mother has put this special book together for you. I decided not to write you a letter last year because I was a very confused new parent. We hadn't yet found our groove as a family and I was battling mixed feelings about my role in your life. When I met your mom in 2009, you were four years old - and I was ill prepared to share my life with a child. The only experiences I had had with children were purely fun ones where I played the part as the "tickle monster" or its distant cousin, the "lava monster".  I really wasn't sure how to discipline you or offer your mom any parental support. Not to mention, at that time, you were displaying some behaviors that were very concerning to me. (Please ask us about this if you'd like more information.) Needless to say, I was struggling to be what you needed me to be. And too, I think you were struggling to make sense of your changing life.

In this past year, you and I have blossomed together. We have established ourselves as family to one another, and I spend my time thinking about how to make your life better and better. In a short time, you have become my daughter and we have proven that a blood relation is secondary to the love and connection shared by human beings. It is a beautiful thing.

I love you, deeply, and I am proud of the person you are now...and the person that you are becoming. I dream about our future years together as a family and it makes me smile in my heart. Your mom and I are here to support you in whatever it is you wish to achieve. We are here to love, empower and encourage you no matter where you find yourself. You can always count on that.

xoxo,

Your Abby

To Chloe, From Grandma Vicki

Chloe Bear.... Wow you are 7 years old. I cant hardly believe it. I've been thinking about this last year. Remembering all the fun times we have had and the wonderful things we have done. First grade...my goodness. The years is almost done and then second grade. You are doing so good in school. I love seeing all your art when I pick you up. I am so proud of the wonderful person you are becoming and how thoughtful you are. You are the sunshine in my days. I love all of our special times together. We went on your first shopping spree. Sleep overs, the zoo to see the dinosaur exhibit, seeing a movie or going to dinner. Sometimes just hanging out together talking. I love them all. I think my favorite times are when we get a pretzel, go to the simulator (I know I never want to go on a real roller coaster!) and then go to the park. Bleodel Donavan Park on Lake Whatcom. Remember... we call it the beach with a park or the park with a beach because it's both. On you first Christmas I bought you an ornament. Then every year I bought one for each year old you were. This Christmas (2011) We went shopping together and bought a set of colored ornaments. You picked them out. At first you thought it was silly to get them because you did not have your own tree. Once I explained it to you it was a go. You were excited about it. We will keep the tradition as long as you want to. That way you will have decorations for your own tree someday.
One other thing I remember is you gave me brain bugs. That is special because only you your Mom, Abby and I have them. They help you think and remember things. Silly me I can’t remember what they look like. Guess I need a dose of new ones.
I guess the one thing I really want to say to you is I really love you grandbaby. I love every minute we have together. I love snuggle bug hugs and chatting about whatever comes to our minds. I just want to hug the stuffins out of ya all the time!!
I love you
Grama

A survey

I asked Chloe to fill out this page. These were the only questions she wanted to answer.

Mothers Day



I thought I'd taken more pictures than I had.  As it turns out, this is the only good one I could find of Mom.  She has a cute napkin-hat blocking the sun from her eyes. 



We had a relaxing and fun mothers day with the three of us and my Mom.  We had breakfast all together at home.  Then we visited for the first part of the day.  For lunch we brought a picnic to the park and enjoyed the sunshine for a while.  

For mothers day Chloe devised her own idea for gifts to Abby and I.  She'd been holding onto hugs for each of us in her room.  When the time came she went to get them and held them behind her back before she pounced the hug, surprise on each of us.  

7th Birthday Party

We had her birthday party at the roller rink.  The kids were pretty cute making their first few rounds at the rink completely glued to the wall.   

Chloes proclaimed favorite gift of the day came from Josiah.  He'd remembered last year when she got the jellyfish I'd crocheted for her.  So he knew that she liked stuffed sea animals.  He was absolutely right. 

 Chloe is never super excited while we sing "Happy Birthday". She still says she wants us to sing it to her, but she acts like she would rather dissapear.  Natrually, she brightens right up after the attention is off of her and she gets to eat her cake.

After her party at the roller rink, she got to bring her friend Kylee with her to our family Birthday party, too.  We sang to Aunt Susie, and Erik, too. 

The night before her birthday party, Abby and I gave Chloe her birthday present from us.  A T-shirt clue- it was pink with little pictures of Mickey and Minnie on it (the shirt she is wearing in the mothers day pictures).  She stared at the shirt for a few minutes before a not-so-well hidden grin came across her face.  She figured it out!!  We are taking her to Disneyland for her first time ever!!  I also made this calendar we gave to her so she could track her month of May until our vacation.  Pictures and stories from the trip to come in the next blog book.  Through the days of May, she was diligent about marking them off to see how close to our trip we were getting.  She was pretty excited.

Wanting Adventure

So, Chloe sometimes (well, almost always) says she has a hard time explaining things. She begins to say something, pauses- for what seems like forever- then finally says.  "I don't know how to explain it" This has mostly ended with her then saying "I don't want to talk about it".  Us, being the curious and involved parents we are, have been trying to devise ways to get her talking.  Our failed attempts went like this: "It's okay- just try to start and if it's all wrong you can try again.",  like this: "Well, we're super interested, so if you decide you want to tell us later, we are all ears"  and like this: "Just take a minute to think about some words before you try to say them, then give it a shot"...... all to no avail.  Meanwhile, I'm feeling sad to be missing out on so many stories. Sometimes though, its feels super important to get her to tell me what she's thinking.  The other day she told me after school that she'd gotten in trouble with the recess duty for trying to go "out of bounds" with her friend.  She said they were going to try and get to her friends house.  They thought they knew the way. 
She was quiet for a minute and then she said... "Sometimes I feel like I want to run away." 
My mommy heart sunk.  Then stopped beating completely.  (oh no- Is she super unhappy in her life?  Is she scared of something... someone? Is she angry?  Why isn't she talking to me?) 
I gave it a couple seconds and said "Oh yea? How come?" 
"I don't know"
"Well, can you try to tell me?"
"...... I just can't explain it."
(What am I going to do?) "That's okay. Do you want some help?"
"yea"
"So.... let me try and guess: Do you want to sometimes run away because all your friends are growing big green noses with purple warts?"
Laughting:  "No!"
"Okay- do you want to sometimes run away because.... you have 16 legs and really have nothing else to do with them?" 
Laughing even harder: "No, nope!"
"Well, okay, thats good- now we know why you DON'T want to run away.  At least thats a little bit closer to knowing why you DO want to run away.  I feel good about that. 
Let's see..... Do you sometimes want to run away because you are unhappy about something?"
"No." 
(feeling a little relieved) "Do you sometimes want to run away because you are scared or worried?"
"No, thats weird- why would I want to run away for that stuff?" 
(even more relieved and now more curious)
"Oh, I don't know- at least we know more things that are not the reason.  can you tell me one of the times you did want to run away?"
"Well, like at recess"
"Oh, so... you were wanting to go do something different than what you were doing.  Do you want to sometimes run away because you're bored."
"well... yea, maybe a little."
"good- so its a little bit that you're bored.  Now we know a little bit.  Were you just so interested in going somewhere that you wanted to go check it out?
"Yea... like sometimes I just want to go do something really fun and I'm not having fun with what I'm doing."
"Oh, so you are maybe bored and you're wanting an ADVENTURE?" 
"Yea!  I want to do something exciting." 

I was so relieved that is wasn't something that she was super unhappy about. We finished the conversation talking about all the ways she could get some more adventures into her life, and what she could do if she felt that way and couldn't actually go somewhere.  Then we practiced by making the car ride home an imagination adventure.  I think the van was a dragon and we were flying home. 

We've used this tactic to get her to talk a bunch of times.  It seems to work, mostly.  If we can break the ice a bit, asking silly questions first, then trying to literally guess at what she may be thinking for real.  Usually I'm kind of close, and then she can correct me if I'm off base.  Usually sometime into the conversation she will open up and find some words to talk about her story or feeling.  It's interesting to literally break the ice in the beginning of nearly every conversation, but it keeps us on our toes and we get to know her and how she thinks a little bit more each time.  Open ended questions just don't seem to get her talking.  I think she feels like we're putting her on the spot, something she is not a fan of at all. 

So, we'll coax her into as many conversations as needed to in order to know her and be a part of her inner life. Here's to many more silly and meaningful guessing games.

Art Show

We went to an art show at Chloe's school. She had some cute pieces up in the hallway. I really like Roosevelt school for all their art rich programs and events. The school is a perpetual art gallery. Before the school opened for the event we went out back and Chloe was playing and showing off the school garden. She ran into her friend Asher and played for a few minutes. It was pretty cute- she saw him and yelled "ASHER!!!" and ran up to him.  Then we walked up to a tree on the playground, she told me about a game she sometimes plays at recess. She walks around the roots of the tree pretending the dirt is lava. I loved hearing her talk about it. The lava game is so classic. I'm sure every kid in history has played it. I think... Did I teach her that? I can't be sure. She also showed me how she's getting big enough to go on the middle bar. That was right before we went down all the slides together. On one of the slides my earring fell out. She helped me find it and watched as I put it back in. She said "I'm sorry that happened to you momma."

She is such a sweet girl.

I can't help myself

Now that it's light in the mornings and I can see her from the light through her window, I just can't help but pause and watch her peaceful sleep. My mommy heart wells up. I could stare at her for hours and listen to her sweet breathing. It's as if I can stop time and can study her face.

She lost another one!

 

 

 Chloe lost another tooth!  It was getting so so wiggly and she just couldn't stop playing with it.  We put her to bed and just waited knowing she'd be coming downstairs with a tooth out.  Sure enough.  It only took 20 minutes or so.  She tells the story about how she just pulled it right out.  She was so proud of herself and jumping up and down.  The tooth fairy put some money in her little door-hanging bag.  In the morning when she found the money it had glitter left on it from the magic. 

We also made sure Chloe knew that she had to tell everyone in the house about her lost tooth or else maybe the tooth fairy might not pick up on the signal to stop by.  So she went and told Rainbow and Rupaul just to make sure she wouldn't get missed. 

Making Movies

Chloe was "making movies" while we were hangin out in Grandma Kris's yard.  Some of them were silent where she was telling the story with her body language; and some of them were speaking where she would introduce what she was going to do next.  She was jumping far off the rock wall, running fast, hopping on one foot and curling up like a little baby animal.  It was so cute when she would introduce the video because she kept calling the camara "people".  "Okay, watch this people".  Some of her antics in the silent movies make me happy all the way down.  She's adorable and funny.  I took a bunch of videos of her and I'll surely keep them forever. 

Improv Abby

Chloe sometimes asks Abby to play guitar and sing silly songs about animals. Together they will pick an animal or some other topic and then Abby will start strumming her guitar thinking of some lines. Chloe just beams at her waiting to hear what she's going to sing.
Soon enough, Chloe is acting out the animal around the room and Abby is singing silly lyrics to keep up with her. I'm certain Chloe doesn't yet understand how much talent Abby has in those times. She sings wonderfully and makes up line after line of funny and rhyming songs. Sometimes she works in a lyric or tune that resembles a song we as adults only know and smiles at me. Meanwhile, I'm laughing and beaming at the two of them. It's real, beautiful family entertainment. I love these two souls.

Funny faces together

Sometimes we do this.  It's fun.